I don`t know what to do. I can`t believe... I`ve been so stupid to put everything in jeopardy. I couldn`t face the world this morning, I couldn`t face anything last nite. I can`t imagine anything changing. I really really really don`t want it to. There's a pang in my heart begging me to do something about it, and I just don`t know what to do. I don`t know how to fix anything. I don`t want to think, I want us to solve this problem. We can`t solve anything without eachother. I want to work things out... I can`t imagine everything going back to how it was before Christmas. Nothing was good, nothing was right. It can`t see how that can be an option. I`m not going to let it be an option... I`m going absolutely out of my mind. I should have gone to school despite of my sickness. I`ve made myself sick, somehow I know I have... I`m so... grieved I`m so tired, and so sick. My heart hurts and I`m sick. I can`t talk about this anymore... but I have to. There's no one anywhere... oh why did I stay home?