I'm the only one who finds it strange that they call it a "Lover's Moon"

I'm at a deadly point. I've always felt abandoned or neglected and alone... not necessarily because I am alone, I never am... But part of my problem may be the inward compassion I hold for others dear to me, the love buried so deep that they doubt it's there. Part of my problem may be that I want to cling so tightly to someone, someone who knows what I feel for them- and they reciprocate the emotion wordlessly, and without lust. This isn't only relationship wise, it's people wise. I realize my communication and intimacy barriers but I can't get around to tearing them down. Part of my problem may be that I feel no one will ever love me as I love them, as I love the world. No one will ever hold me tightly- they don't know what I am feeling, they don't know I am eternally internally scarred with something inexpliacable to either of us. I have a rare gift of empathy. I was born with something sad, a somberness about my shoulders, and there hasn't been anything to change that. Maybe I am hoping one day I will find someone who will take the sadness away from me- or at least share something so deeply with me that I forget everything I once knew. I've searched for this ongoing dream, this person of perfection who would, for lack of a better word, save me. I haven't ever been satisfied wholeheartedly. I've loved and loved deeply, many people, for many reasons. I've also questioned and felt threatened, been scared out of my mind. I know everyone has, but my dissatisfaction comes from the fact that no one's ever held me and known. Maybe it's a bit much to expect from the world. It makes me wonder if people who say they are in love really share understanding, such understanding so concrete and pure that they never feel alone. Does such a thing exist? I'm the kind of person that needs to find things out for myself, do things for myself because I haven't found anyone else who can truely offer me the right thing, or the right answer. Not that I don't undertsand what they say. To believe it, I have to see it.
In my constant searching, I've found the wrong people- I've been broken up, losing faith in such a thing as love, or love residing between man and woman, anyway. I know I'm young, and that's a bigger part of the mystery. Am I feeling these things prematurely? It must be something all humanity goes through. Secretly, I sometimes feel that nothing is worth searching for. Nothing is worth waiting for, because I never change. When I find that right person, if I have already found that right person, will I know or will I make the same mistakes over again? I'm already there- redoing a situation as it was once already played out. In past relationships I never shared myself and in turn, was never confided in. Without this key aspect toward what I find to be love- everything was just going through the motions, lust... Disappointment. Am I making those mistakes again? Will I ever be able to share myself and my thoughts with another vocally and emotionally? As humans, we look for someone to challenge us, to teach us, to understand. As my religious faith is somewhat diminishing, an inward depression is slowly sinking in. A secret, personally intimate depression that is a direct result of my incapabilities to share my true open face with those I am in contact with.
Blogs by far are the most intimate forms of communication and translation of my honest feelings that I have ever shared- and that is little to say because of self-censorship and falsehoods, little to say because of their impersonal form... Little to say... I don't ever know the answer to anything. Maybe that's what I'm wating for, someone who's an answer- all I am is a big old questionmark.