I miss SA.

I remember that sixth grade was all about being the most accelerated reader. Now all you want to be is the skinniest, the prettiest, the most talented. You want to beat everyone at everything.

I remember that ninth grade was all about finding friends. Now all you want to do is fuck; you hate your friends. You hate that you can't have the boyfriend you want.

I remember that freshman year of college was all about wanting to find home. Now all that exists is the space where home will never be. You don't want to go home. You don't want to stay.

I had a dream where I found an old birthday card that you had given to someone. I was abroad somewhere in a museum gift shop. It was on the floor. You signed it upsidedown and crossed out the "R" in your last name. You cracked a joke about it. I cried. I can't believe I fucking missed you by one year. Why does life happen to us? I thought about you all morning. You could be here. This is getting so sad. My life is unhealthy.