I can`t help wondering why the hell I`m not happy. There are... so many things that I should be happy about... and nothing really that should make me... sad. Nothing at all. Its so screwed up. Now I`m mad at myself. Why do I have to be so stupid? I`m absoloutely FINE.. why can`t I be happy??? Damn it... -sigh- I don`t know. And I don`t know why I can`t want something perfectly wonderful that could be... all my own. I know it`d be great but.. I know somehow I`d screw it up. I don`t want it to be like that... no. I really don`t.