Man, everyday I seem to realize more and more about how much of a little girl I am. I wonder how you guys can stand me... jeez. So i`m wondering about the future and I`m wondering about the past... but the past is the past.. is it not... and everyone should move on. I mean you guys have moved on haven`t you? Like... you don`t dwell on feelings from the past, do you? I don`t know what I mean by this aside from the fact of my jealous nature. I haven`t had girl talk in awhile and I`m really beginning to miss the friendship Monica and I had. We never talk anymore, and so thats why when this zine projects gets outta the way I`m going to motion to recooperate the SSG. We haven`t had a meeting in like a decade... heh.. well not that long... but a long tme. Everyone in the world just got online for a bit of late nate chatting I presume, but I don`t think I`ll message anyone because I`m very pensive and kind of emo... so i`ll just sit here and dwell in my thoughts... Hopefully mom`ll decide to let me go to Steve-o`s tomorrow... caue I wanna go and I`m kinda tired of being home. When I`m home I feel alone... and forgotten a lot of the time. I know I am forgotten, because I am so quiet in school, and don`t really have any friends because people either feel threatened by something about me or I don`t bother to get interested in them or carr on any conversation. I guess people just get bored of me easily, and then that`s the end of anything we`d ever have. Seriously, I don`t have any friends at school that are female. Girls really tend to hate me because I`m not really like them... well I am... but then I`m not, I dunno. I just don`t play their stupid games and do the idiotic crap they do. All the freshmen I know hate me, except for Max, Ruby and Laura, but thats becuase they`ve known me for awhile...except Ruby, but Ruby and Max are really friendly with everyone so they don`t count... but I guess I`m talking more at school now than I had in the past because I talk to Aldo... but then again mostly throughout the day when I`m actually in class I have no one to talk to... or no one that wants to talk to me, rather. First period I do have Fish, Julissa and Joe though, and its cool how we`ve become friends... and then... second and third period I have no one, except for Dorothy between classes... then fourth, there`s Anna and Diana, and they`re cool. Very nerdy, like myself. Fifth, I`m starting to talk more. To everyone in there really cause they`re all pretty neat. 6th, is geography Ruby, and Max... I torture Ruby by randomly saying something that implies that I love her... I do it because she said the first time she met me she thought I was a lesbian. Man, a lot of people thought I was a lesbian... hmm... I wonder if they still do. Anyhow, then there`s 7th, the class I have Monica in and Fish and Laura, but Moica and I aren`t really talking... and besides she mostly likes to talk to Tim and Albert in there, that`s just how its been, so I usually converse with Fish about random stuff, some in depth, some rather shallow... Then the day is over... and Monica and I meet up with fred, Thom and my Aldo... n` then we go off to the wnderful world of Say Si where I see our lovely friends Sarah Carly and Hector... Then its off to home. Then everything repeats, and its a cycle that goes on... and on until the weekend, when I usually do nothing but want to do something but can`t because sometimes my mom`s mad at me, or sometimes she just doesn`t want me to do anything because who knows why... But recently when my sister`s asked her if she can go somewhere she lets her go, and its making me mad... Lately I`ve been feeling really happy, but kinda depressed when I`m alone or too pensive, and then today at Say Si I felt very alone... Monica didn`t wanna talk...Fred and Hector weren`t there... Sarah was really busy... and Carly was busy too... but we were all doing our zines so its understandable. I`m pretty tired, my head hurts and I have huge circles under my eyes... but I don`t wanna go to sleep. Usually, I retreat off into dreamland when I feel sad... but right now I just feel empty. Going to bed feeling empty only leads to bad dreams... and I remember I had a bad dream the other nite. First one in a long long while... and I made myself suffer through it for some reason. Usually, I can make myself wake up if I have a bad dream... but this time I didn`t... Alas, I fear I must go off somewhere because my sister wants to go to bed... and my mother is nagging at me. "Did you hear me young lady? I said get off like 5 minutes ago.." (Which was really like two friggen seconds.) Anyway, i`m feeling like a faliure tonite. My writing`s no good, my cello playing sucks... and my acting is beyond help. -Sigh- Good nite world. I hope you bring a better day for me tomorrow.