Please touch me, squeeze me, hold me too tightly, and when you look at me- actually see me.

In my life as an observer, it has become apparent to me time and time again how many people share such blatant similarities. Hopefully- with of course, some exception- I differ from such monotonous thought processes. As I was recently reminded of the repetitive patters in human behavior in another unfortunate personal situational occasion, I formed a theory about that cheap "best friend" attachment that teenage female and males form- not being at all general mind you. I'm not saying this is all co-ed friendships, just the "Oh, my best friend is over-protective of me/ She used to be obsessed with me but we're just good friends now" ones. You know them- the "best friendship” which most often is initiated by the female when said male is single/vulnerable, or appealing in the "potential boyfriend" sense. The cunning female "best friend" is almost always courting slowly, luring her prey- demanding ultimate attachment. You may say I myself am guilty of this accusation on some visual or metaphoric aspect- and I will agree, it has been named a foundation of the young female's courtship of a male. Tell me you haven't seen it done! For many girls who've miss-stepped, and I myself will pipe-in that when caught in such a web, being the new girlfriend in said male/female "best friend" attachment, you find yourself wondering- what exactly in hell am I doing? Take it from the experienced, well- the acute, yet never the less 2 for 2 situational experience that I have- they always win. The female "best friend" always gets the guy- either romantically, friend wise, or what have you... you ultimately lose. The thing is, such girls feel threatened by another woman's impact in their "special" guy's life, whether it is romantically or any other form of intimacy. They sure as hell don't want to deal with you- who diverts attention from the guy they found first. Sure, they'll be all nice and courteous and friendly, but even right in front of him, they do things, subtle things to drive you away discreetly yet meanly. They do these things so cunningly, with such expertise that the male doesn't often understand what's going on at all- they pet and fawn over him, they yearn for his attention, and though of these I have no particular beef- it then becomes satisfied glances that she gives you. While the petting and demanding circus is perpetuating, she is watching to see your reaction. This is what makes you crazy-it finally occurs to you. She is trying to get at you! I hate it when people try and piss me off or make me feel inferior, unloved or alienated. Further more, I hate that for the most part, if ever you are to tell him what exactly is going on- he thinks you're the one who's jealous. It's very disheartening.
What sucks is when the girl you're dealing with is really immature and makes him choose between she and you. If he's smarthe won't- if he does- just forget him, but when he won't she gets all huffy about it and "won't talk to him." What really kills me is that then, a few days later she "forgives" him and the cycle continues. There's like a whole tactic behind this crap- there's- levels and clubs and they earn patches for being mean. Watch it 'cause in the second round- they get double patches. It really is a nightmare going through that shit. It is thoroughly... gross. I'd like to pretend that I'm made of steel or what not, but we're all only human. If someone's gonna fuck around with me- I'm going to get messed up. The point of all this is highlighting my present mindset. But- who's to know if this is the correct situation at hand. Am I simply being pessimistic because of the intimacy issues that have plagued me from past broken hearts? Similar situations- painful outcomes... Infact, I seriously doubt that this will ultimately come to resemble the warped game I found myself playing last year. Everything aside, panic-free, I feel that simply- I need to put my heart into it, though I've completely had trepidation in doing. Undoubtedly, this plunge might result in some way, shape or form of pure emotion that we all seek. As I draw this "bitch session" to an end, despite my hopeful prayer- I am still so afraid that I ask myself, what exactly in hell am I doing?