Fuuuuck.

This is generally how I feel right now. I can't even express it more eloquently. I feel like a big ball of failure. I hate myself, I hate everyone around me for constantly reminding me of my faults.

I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I can't be here, I can't be in NY. I have no money, I have no real life experience. I'm just a sad little kid who thinks she's above everyone. This is no closer to the biggest lie I've ever told myself. It's really ridiculously hot in my room and I feel super nauseous. I fail myself, I fail everyone. I am so behind on my school work, my friends dislike me because I generally have no personality. I am stuck in this routine that I probably deserve. I will never be loved again. I will never find happiness. I will spend the remainder of my life watching infomercials and counting my misfortunes. I will keep talking about these wonderful things that I will do and never ever reach my goals. I will always be lost in the past where I think I was the best--which isn't very great.

Ugh. Ugh. And I still have the fucking fluuuuuuu.