Christmas day. My family`s happy. I`m glad. I told my parents I didn`t want anything, but once again they felt they had to buy me over. It`s alright. I appreciate their intentions. It doesn`t feel like Christmas to me. Last nite, at church it did. I helped sing in the chior. I love to sing. I messed up a couple times and the little girl next to me kept glancing at me, seemingly annoyed. But it was okay, because I was singing for God and Jesus and I know they don`t mind mistakes. I felt really religious last nite. Religious... but I still felt no magic. Maybe Christmas magic has gone out for me. -Sigh- I guess at some point it does for everyone. I`m not the little girl I was anymore. I heard my sisters get up this morning and creep past my room toward the living room, the christmas tree and Santa`s presents. I remember when I used to be the first one up, when sometimes I would sneak into the living room and sleep curled up under the tree, trying to catch Santa in his act. This morning I didn`t feel like getting up. I was tired... and caught up in a dream I was having. The dream was a bad one, but sometimes I just can`t help wanting to dream it all the way through. Dreams are so interesting. I woke up late, late for me anyway, but especially late for me on Christmas morning. The gifts under the tree made me sad, because I knew there were tons of people not as fortunate as my family. I thought of all those little orphaned kids in Africa... and that was what one of the bad dream I had last nite were about. I had bad dreams on Christmas eve and the early hours of Christmas. I went to sleep to complete darkness, and not the soft glow of Christmas lights that I usually hang in my room. Those lights were supposed to go up the week of Thanksgiving but I just forgot... until last nite that is. No, it doesn`t feel like there is Christmas magic for me at all this year. As I said before, this doesn`t mean I don`t feel blessed, greatful, happiness or love, because I do. I guess its just my childhood, drawing to an end.