I woke up this morning, in the darkness, shrinking into some kaleidoscopic void... breathing in a smell of emptyness. I swear, my soul this morning, slipped from my hands and wandered somewhere, away from me... to where I need to be. It returned to me though, moments later... and I clutched my sheets and breathed... and tears streamed down my face slowly and silently, involuntary and purple like violets... who are such a sad flower. I was thinking of violets when I was crying... which is odd. I slipped out of bed and the morning was grey, and cold, but so peaceful, so innocent, and yet, I knew it had some sort of damp disposition as if it had commited some awful yet intense wrong in the nite. I had a white nite last nite. I couldn`t sleep until 3:30. Thought rushed to me and nestled in the last corners of my mind... and I pushed it away... and it pushed back. It was horrible and I wanted to scream, I opened my mouth and it was dry, like life from me had been robbed and stuck into the safe with others who have been denied their souls, and lives and hues to see think and feel in... Oh so lonely. The day was bitter and welcomed me out of it at once, when my plans were ruined... when my heart was hurt... when I yelled and bretahed for air and none would come. How weird.

No one will text message me! Sarah's phone won`t let her, and my mom doesn`t know how to use text messaging... so I`m stuck here alone. With no messages. Darn stuff!

I`m in love with tomato and cheddar cheese sandwiches. ...Just thought I`d get that off my chest. I`m also terribly bored. Everyone's gone after all. I should have gone to Sarah`s house, or out with Aldo, but alas, I did not. Alone time is good though, and I haven`t had it in awhile. I watched Mona Lisa Smile. It was okay over all. I just thought it was stupid that almost everyone's ambition back then was to get married and serve their husbands. Even these strong, intellectual women wanted to keep house and cook. I wonder if I would have gone along with the expectations of the 50's. Ah, I shall never know.

I have nothing on my mind to type about...

Ah, I am home. Quiet home, peaceful home. We really take these types of things for granted. I had an okay time in No-Where's Ville, better than I thought but also more painful than I thought. But I lived, and most of it was only physical torment. And I only have one new person on my hit list... and I have a totally neat chinese hat. The Tía's are still so cute and Tía Minerva and Petra are still mischivious and I had a great time at their house. The first nite though, we stayed in my Aunt Marty's house, with my 4 little cousins who are rough and... try and love us to death, literally. No one sleeps in that house. Seriously. Its weird. We got there at 11 on Friday nite, and I was sooo hyper on Starbuck's coffe and Swedish Fish and Ring Pops and Air Heads. It was totally weird. I dunno, we got there though, and that part of my family is so alien to me, and I felt so lonely. So, I tried making some calls, but everyone was dead. Then Saturday morning my aunt woke me up early and wanted to do some practice beauty stuff on me. O_o And then we all went to Nuevo Progresso, which is loud and packed, and the population isn`t very well off at all. It saddens and depresses me to go to Mexico. So then we got home, and everyone sorta disappeared for a couple hours. I took a shower, and they were gone. o_o So I was left alone, in a strange house, with a roaming cell phone that hates me, lonely again... and then they came back and we went to my Cousin Lisa's. After that we went to stay at Tía Mina's so we could get some sleep, and I got spoiled cause I`m her favorite cause I`m so like her. n_n She calls my sisters by their first names all the time but she never does that to me. She always always calls me "Mi Cielo," and has for as long as I can remember. Its kinda funny. But anywho it was nice and quiet there, and we woke up to the smell of breakfast. After we all ate we went to the flea market by Ceci`s house and then met up with my Aunt Marty and the other two Tías at Johnny Carinos. o_o We spent FOREVER there. We were supposed to be on the road by 2. With Hinojosa's you have to move everything back an hour or 2. Things that only effect us, 2 hours. Things that affect others, an hour. I dunno what the deal is with no one staying on schedule. Crazy. Damn it, gotta go for now... -Sigh- I shall return within a couple hours. Hopefully that isn`t in Hinojosa time. n_n

Ah, the world is a crimson dream. I walk through it and I hear nothing but love's voice. I see nothing but love's face... I feel the warmth of love upon me... and I feel complete. Memories stack everyday... my heart hurts. It's a satisfying hurt, and oh... it is not only a new day, it is a new world.

Ah boredom. So... boring. Yes indeed. Wise words from a very strange little girl.

There's a song that inside of my soul. It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I'm awake in the infinite cold, but you sing to me over and over and over again.
So I lay my head back down, and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours.
I pray to be only yours. I know now you're my only hope.
Sing to me the song of the stars. Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far, sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.
So I lay my head back down, and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours. I know now you're my only hope.
I give you my destiny. I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am. At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.
So I lay my head back down, and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours, I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours. I know now you're my only hope...

I remember when my friend Abby and I were supposed to sing this song from A Walk to Remember at the talent show last year, the last day of school. Our voices complimented eachother so well, but at the last minute I backed out, only to play very stupidly with a small quartet. This song always reminds me of her. I haven`t spoken to her in a year. That`s sad. -Sigh- I lost a lot of friends from last year. Hmm. This song is exactly in my octave. Well, I probably have to get off soon. Because of my sisters again. But I know I`ll be back here later. I haven`t slept right in a while... but I`m not tired... sleep just won`t readily come. So yeah, I`ll come back and write in an hour or two.

ARG! u_U

I am, under my bed with my Dad's laptop. Hooray air port! I can finally hear my mom's snoring so I can come out. n_n Where are my pesky head phones so that I can watch a DVD?! Oh brilliant technology, how I adore thee. Everybody likes the colour blue, I don't prefer it. I've never been known to follow the crowd, I`ve always had my own flare, but nowadays I seem to be doing it. Conforming? Oh god I hope not. I`ll start wearing my rainbow fishnets again if necessary. Ever since I typed nowadays, Nowadays is in my head. "Its good, isn`t it grand, isn`t it great? Isn`t it swell?" Fred'a a freak. Sleepinating? Thats so indestructive. And how can you sleepinate peasants? Must think he's Trogdor. Um, ow. Its pitch black in here and I got up and walked head on into the corner of the doorway. Gah! OW. Headache. u_u Enough of this. That is, until I get bored.

Names I like: Regina, Natividad, Ísabel. Words I like: Menagerie, echodyne. Ahh I feel better. Not so angry, not so weird. Normal. Not happy, but normal. Peaceful... and yes. I feel better. Well world, maybe this is a goodnite, in the case that I can sleep, and if I cannot perhaps I`ll be back. So I go away, praying and trusting that my loved ones are well...

What can I say? I wanna die... and that pretty much covers it.

-Sigh-

O_O! I just drank a weavel. Is that not the grossest thing ever? I mean, I`ve eaten meal worms but uh, I consented to that, and this weavel was just randomly floating in my drink... and I didn`t notice it, and my sister was too mean to tell me otherwise. Yuck. Thats not pleasant.

ARG! I think computers hate me. That has to be it. Earlier at Say Si my documents were missing again, for the 10th time, no joke. They appeared later, but some saved work I had done was lost. And then, I tried to do a flash introduction, it wouldn`t work for me, as simple as it was. I`d done it before! I get home, and my quicktime isn`t working in addition to my ichat, my explorer and my flash. Hey, what`s the deal?? So I get on my Dad's powerbook... and the freaking thing gives me the spinning ball of doom and takes 30 minutes to restart. So yeah. Then ichat won`t start up, and safari is stuck on that crazy keychain thing... then boom, spinning ball of doom, again. This time, it takes 20 minutes to shut down, freezes upon restarting, takes 10 more minutes to reshut down, then 10 minutes to start up. This was just the first time I logged online earlier today. I`m not going to go into the 5 times the spinning ball of doom got the best of me. WHY?! I need panther. Just do. Its a matter of life or death, and I am NOT going down this time.

I`m just sitting here eating jelly bellies. Yes, again. I was thinking, I say some pretty stupid stuff when I`m low, as I was earlier. It's dumb, wish I could stop. Just for the record, never eat the pinkish clear jelly bellies, they somehow manage to replicate the smell of must, but in taste. Very not good. I think they intended this one to be cotton candy. I`m VERY disappointed jelly belly. What`s going on here?! Decided to slack on the flavor of a few beans? Though no one would notice?? NEWSFLASH! I noticed. And I`m SO not happy. I thought you were perfect... but alas, you are disappointing to the world of candy! WHY?! Oh why oh why?!? ;_; OOooh.. hmm. MMmm. Coconut jelly beans hit the spot. As you can guess, it is another Saturday nite and I have nothing to do, yet again. My parents invited people over... for dinner... and blah blah blah... Why is my assorted bag of jellybeans 1/4 of those nasty pinkish ones?! Chocolate pudding... yum yum. I had the most delicious thing last nite. A portabella mushroom sandwich with lettuce, tomato, red onion and some spicy mustard. Ooh ooh. I love it so. Maybe my new favorite food? ..The Art club is going to Washington and I`m so very jealous. I want to go to Washington... or somewhere at least, but I`m stuck here in S.A all week, alone and wishing I wasn`t. Lemon lime! Oh yes, I approve... Back to spring break, my family might go somewhere next weekend.. which is very inconvenient, yes. Oh oh! Piña Colada! Oh... I`m addicted to jelly beans. And I am almost out. And so, I must retreat to the nearest Target.... Adeui reader. And I`m not crazy!

-Jamming out to the Chicago soundtrack- We did well today. As many of you know, it was the Orchestra UIL Concert and Sight-Reading Competition, we made a two out of four on both. Average, but not bad at least. An okay day, I got out of school for half of it, but then again.. I got out of school... -Shrug- Wells... thats all for now. I never finished yesterday so.. ha! Toodles.

"People say I`m crazy, I`ve got diamonds on the soles of my shoes!" ..And maybe I am crazy! But at least I`m happy. Really happy today! Sue me! We're all gonna die... the aliens are coming!!! Its true. First the ring around the moon, then Monica saw a "Beamcraft"... More later.

There are many kinds of love. Another theory of mine. I`m watching the TV guide channel, bored to death. My sister and I are supposed to bond tomorrow, thats cool. We went to the mall together today, but she hates shopping. She and I are so different. Liv is really down to earth, very visibly sensitive, and sensible. Quiet. But I suppose nowadays I`m very quiet too. I used to be outgoing... -shrug- Liv never has been though. I remember the good old days between me and Liv, when we used to share a room, and a school and were always in eachothers lives. Now I only usually see her 2 hours after Say Si, before she has to go to bed, and in the morning before school. I don't know who her friends are, or how school's going for her... and the only times we have a real conversation is over AIM. I remember when she and I used to tell eachother everything, and at night I used to tell her stories about fairies and princesses... And now I randomly stab things!!! -STAB STAB STAAAAAAAB!-

-Stares at the screen for hours- Yeah well... -STAB!-

Well.. in case anyone was wondering... T`wasn`t a bad day at all. I mean in the morning I was hostile... and during 5th I was remorseful... but then the end of the day brightened up amazingly. "Honey, I love you. If you love me, will you smile??" n_n

Why am I so bitter? You know, you know what... its just jealousy is all it is. I`m an extremely jealous person... Stupid, I know. Anywho... I thought up a game idea! The SSG`s Boy Bashing Game! Pick your favorite SSG character (Sarah, Monica, Carly or Sara) and bash boys with random objects! Woohoo! I`m going for a whole new fashion! No good? Well I think it's hella tight! So... xP you violence and "bad messages"! It`s all in fun and.. do I care?! n_n {Note to self, design character and enviornments... ask Fred how to go about doing this.. o_O}

Nothing new today. Just extremely very tired. The network's still icky, so, we can`t really get any work done. We can practice with flash and that`s about it. I`m not too well at flash. I`ve done a few really simple things on it, quite some time ago... and thats about it.But yeah. Hmm. I think I`ll go through my day. Just to reflect a little. So I woke up early this morning, baked cookies and then got dressed and ready for school. We took my sister to school and then my dad dropped me off, where I went to the staircase and distributed my cookies. Then I stood around for awhile, talked to Tabitha and Fred and did various other things... Then I made my way to my first period, and saw Aldo... so I talked to him for awhile, then Thom came.. and I gave him a cookie... and David and Drew came and I gave them cookies too... then they left cause it was almost time for the bell to ring. Aldo left too and I walked to the portables. But, I didn`t cut through the field cause the fence was locked. (I dunno I feel like going into details.) So I got to the portable and right away Julissa ran up to me and hugged me. It made me feel happy.. it was funny. So I go through my ordeal of getting everything together, cello, chair, music stand, music, anchor, bow, rosin. This takes me a little while... because I try to gather everything while carrying my cello around. I don`t know why I do this really. Just a habit I guess. So eventually everything is in place and I warm up a little, and then Mr. Rominger, the orchestra teacher, wants us to practice for the UIL competition coming up. -Shudder- Its litterally upon us! We're going to have to play early in the morning, March 9th, and my section's not doing too hot. Rominger says we're muffled, even with me and my excessively loud playing nature, two cellos just can`t be heard over an entire orchestra. So everyone else has to play softer. n_n Heh. I know the music pretty well. There are a few troubled areas in 3/4 and 6/8 areas. That 6/8 is too fast! >_< But actually, I`m getting better... {Note to self: Find out what I stand for, what excites me, what I live for. Use that to motivate my future decisions and projects and ideas. Find out what I want to say more than anything. Say it.} So second period comes around, and we finish Of Mice and Men. I really liked it. A rather swell read. Next, Chemistry class brings an Interim that I know about half the answers to. By this class, I`m drained of energy. So so tired. So I go to lunch, and luckily the sub is still open, and no one knows I`m a freshman. I win! So Aldo and I go to our usual table with Shane and Orlando. Thom sits over with us, and so does Terek. So the boys talk and I try to sleep... but I can`t. u_U Then its time to go to Algebra II and Anna and I battle out these wicked hard problems and we... SUCCEED! All but one question right. Time for music theory... and a quiz. Pfft. I need to practice my seventh chords. I keep putting it off but, I really do need to get on that. {Fred just made a flash game in like 20 minutes... maybe even less. -Jealous-} In 6th period we have a new girl, and she seems stupid. Bright you know, as in studies and whatnot... but stupid like stupid.. in the ways of the world. -Shrug- 7th I slept a little... while that scary Joseph movie was on. And.. thats it... I`m done. Finite.

So wow, I can`t belive how we had a debate in the sound booth about fictional people in some odd situation. But yeah whatever. We`re all nerds. Moody nerds...as Kris sees it, Brian's artistic type moody, Carly's alternitive moody, I`m weird turban-style moody, Matt's the silent type moody, and Monica's freak-ass moody. I`ve probably further proved the point of our nerdyness. But yeah.. I`ve noticed Monica`s meanness recently. She won`t let me have my funny little dreams, because they're stupid or I`m a geek or nerd or she says they're completely irrelevant, and yet she can think whatever she wants and I`d better go with it. I dunno. Its weird. She's controlling when it comes to conversation too... and generally I feel left out. Its just her persona though and I love Monica... but well I dunno. Anywho.. in other news today, my flower is dead, so I`ve hung it up in my closet to dry for permanent keeping. Muahahaha! And.. Fred and Monica are so weird. They fight like an old married couple. Its really odd. Freaks. -Listens to Tom`s Diner- Um, what was I gonna say? Eh, I forget. I was happy today, had a good day.. but I was feeling a little sick, I was sneezing and stuff cause of allergies and whatnot. Hmm hmm hmm. So I spose I`ll end this now. On a happy note. A nice #F should do. #F

If little people played music inside that weird little music box Sting had on the Oscars last nite, they`d be happy. No questions about it. Music would be their life, and theyd have no complications, they`d just be doing their passion their whole life, and they wouldn`t know anything better. They wouldn`t be sad because it would be all they'd know, their whole world would be making music.They'd love to live in that little music box, and play music of their liking everyday. They wouldn`t do it to benefit anyone either, humans just found them in that box, left them undisturbed, but installed an amplifier on the box that Sting could control. Thus, these little musical people are naive about anything outside their box, and outside music, so, how could they be disappointed that all they had to do was play music, when they didn`t know anything else existed? The only thing they'd know was death and music, and if a musical person didn`t like music, because not all born into this world particualrly would enjoy every aspect of it, obviously death would be their choice. But if they loved music, what would be the problem? There would be no problem... Thus the little musical people would live in a land of great love and harmony... Kris, Matt and I agree. Opposing kids... are just weird. So, what think you, reader?