It seems... that even with us being dreamers and seers, sometimes the weight of the world... hate and injustice intoxicate our pure hearts. Come away from the starry nite sky, abandon your post from the green of the hills, the brillance of the moon... and come away to join the others at the depths of the earth... in the dark damp cold and bitterness of hate that profusely bleeds from their very pores. With all this surrounding you, it gets hard not to give in at times... Its... understandable, isn`t it? Well, I heard injustice last nite, and followed it. I wasn`t sorry. And... the distain was for one of our own. Terrible. I feel like a little girl again, well... am a little girl... but there are times when I feel it. I`m watching A Little Princess I used to watch it all the time when I was younger... There`s something so simple and lovely about it... Wouldn`t it be intresting to live in a movie or a book? Not all the time of course... But for awhile. It`s want to be Sara Crew, Sara Stanley or Anne Shirley... They live such simple lives, interesting and adventurous. its funny how I like the characters named Sara. Hmm.. I wish I could help someone, at least in some small way. I want to be so much of a better person, but I`ve noticed I just don`t try as hard as I`m capable of. -Sigh- I think I`ll just continue to share my thoughts. I must confess something... I imagine things all the time. My favorite things to do are dream, imagine and write... which is just dreaming and imagining out loud. I remember when my sister and I used to share a room, which was only a few years ago... and I used to tell her stories at nite. Fairy stories... and stories of the beautiful things in life. I miss telling stories... I wonder if my sister misses hearing them. I don`t think she does... because she`s grown up so much. I wish there were such things as magic circles, faries, dragons and elves. Santa Claus. They`re tucked inside my heart, though. At times the come out though... -sigh- when I`m sitting in the tree outside my window, or when I go outside on a windy day to feed the chickens. I see a glimpse of a fairy, or a wisp of the wing woman`s silky tresses. But, I find myself crying more and more these days... Over the simple things, over beautiful things... and then I weep for the world and its niave people, and I weep for myself and my cluelessness, my heartlessness at times. Last nite I wept for the memories. For broken friendships... for love. Heh. I remember the last time that I was so energetic I couldn`t take it anymore. I think there was something in the air that day, actually... Monica, Falishca and I skipped around the feild... and then Monica and I went to go meet up with Fred. We waited under our tree for him. I was standing on some tree knots and when I turned around to greet Fred, I slipped on them. n_n His reaction was funny. The he told Monica and I that there were some weird clouds in the sky... Monica and I raced to a clearing.. (She won.. -shakes fist) and we stared up at the sky. Those clouds were awesome... They looked like an upside down tornado... so, to turn the tornado right side up we looked at it upside down. We were both in weird positions and then Monica pushed me and I fell, but pulled her down with me. We then rolled in the grass like two little girls with their arms about eachother... to Fred and O`Bryan`s (the guy who isn`t Irish) amusement. It was pretty weird and we laughed. Then the boys told us people were staring.. but who really cared?! We didn`t. I`ve never cared what other people think about me. I know who I am and I like me. Ha. I`m not even going to read this over... Its too long. Well, you guys got into to see my thoughts for awhile there....

Okay... FIRST FRIDAY, everyone! Yes. That means YOU! All are going to fisrt Friday. Everyone. The young the old... Say Siers and Jeffersonians alike. Mark your calenders! YES. You`re going. No, no excuses.

Yeah well, hmm. I just feel terrible right now. I don`t want things to be the same anymore, I want them to change and for the better. I miss feeling like I was part of something... but I don`t know, I just feel tired of it all. I need someone to talk to, I need a super secret girl meeting. Or Monica, or Sarah. I wanted to talk to Sarah yesterday about all that`s going on... I was excited when my mom told me she was back. But then... she comes. She had Mark with her. Not that I don`t love Mark `cause... Mark is great. But Sarah and I couldn`t talk. Anyhow, I suppose I`ll talk to her later. All`s not lost. ...Well, I just talked it out a bit. I feel a little better. Maybe I`ll go out later after all...

Small steely words a sheet of ice, but soon they melt away. Tension, thick as ever you can cut it with a knife. Falling through clouds it up, a dismal dreary haze... All I really want to do.. is be happy. I thought that by making everyone else happy... I might achieve happiness in the end. But all my efforts have fallen through. I haven`t made anyone happy. I suppose I could have made myself happy... if my parents weren`t so uptight. But, I`m blaming this on them and I shouldn`t. Nope. Its my fault... always has been. And by the look of things, always will be.

I have a feeling, it`s a feeling I`m concealing.. I don`t know why. n_n

He gives me hope and laughter... makes me want to do better things with myself, and with my life. Recently, I`ve been happy pretty consistantly, because of him. As always,when I feel intense emotion of one sort... it seems my other emotions strenthen as well. Hence, I`m just all emo when I think too much... which is odd. I wouldn`t trade any of it for anything, though. The past two weeks have been... great. It doesn`t seem like two weeks though. No, it seems like much longer than two weeks... and better than any two weeks I`ve had in a long time... That`s what I`d call magic. I mean... wouldn`t you?

I grow tired of my thoughts, heavy satin ribbons which wrap tighter and tighter... strangling... cutting. Frayed, broken... my soul won`t last the night. Thin worn edges, like pages of a book read and re-read, curl inward. Trapped. The cage is myself and the bird, my heart... Longing escapes my throat, floating delicately to the ears of anyone who will listen. The effects of bitter notes, stains of crimson, eat away the ropes of creamy lace that once lured me toward my only means of survival. The ribbons cover my eyes... block my senses... chain me to my worst emotions... They unthread past scars... unlace fears, sadnesses... Lonliness. Tattered lonliness envelopes me in its strong scent of musk, drawing each breath out of me slowly... deviously... There may be no escape. There may be no assurance of salvation... There may be no guidance, not justice... No rest.. No peace. But crouched in the hollow tunnel... a whizzing tunnel, a silent tunnel... is hope dressed in its silvery veil. Translucent, yet stunning. Hope grows with every breath I lose. That is how it must be. That is how it is meant to be.

Trapped in a box fours walls as sky... got a screen for a window `bout two feet wide... My mind rides and slides as my circuts are fried.... No room for thought use the box as my guide... n_n

It has also occured to me to watch all 3 Lotr sequentially, what I mean is watch the first, then the second then go and see the 3rd again again. n_n

There are so many things that I wanted to do the week of Thanksgiving break that I never did and I intend to do this week. One is the picnic and I hope Moni gets back to me, and then there was the zoo thing... and the going there and all... n_n Then there`s going to the river walk... and finally, seeing as many movies as possible. I love movies, and the sense of entering an alternate reality for awhile. Well, that`s what I`d like to do. Anyone care to join me? n.n

I couldn`t sleep last nite... I guess I was thinking too much... and I just felt really lonley. So, I opened up my window and watched leaves dance in the wind while I listened to sad songs... This went on for hours. I began thinking about the silvery milky colour that the moon casts on the sleeping world... and then somehow I began thinking about that time I talked to Monica about coloured souls. I wonder if she thought I was crazy. I had said something about finding someone with the same coloured soul as mine... and explaining how it would be. How when you find that person... its an instant connection... and you have an unspoken mutual understanding. Then I wondered if that would be the case with Say siers. But no, I decided we had complementary souls, and not ones of the same nature. It took me awhile to connect with them once I knew them... unlike someone I`ve met recently this year. The coloured soul thing is just a small theory of the explaination of the feeling you have. I can`t explain it. Its a feeling... of understanding someone you've known for an instant in time better than someone you`ve known a life time. Its a rather interesting notion. Maybe there`s a bit of magic involved in it... a bit of fate? I don`t really know. Its hard trying to explain something that you feel and believe to an outsider, and one not so lucky as to have achieved this feeling. Its lovely to think beautiful thoughts in the nite time, when you think you're alone. Sometimes your mind can get away with the strangest ideas... If you don`t really know what I mean by all this, I`m sorry. My theories are just little girl`s thoughts anyway, so it doesn`t really matter. n_n

Yaay! A very happy birthday goes out to my little sis, Liv! 13! I never thought I`d see the day when you matured... -sniff sniff- Heh. :D I remember when you were so small...

...and now you`re taller than me! -_- Hey.. no fair! xP Love you! Have a great day. n_n

Christmas day. My family`s happy. I`m glad. I told my parents I didn`t want anything, but once again they felt they had to buy me over. It`s alright. I appreciate their intentions. It doesn`t feel like Christmas to me. Last nite, at church it did. I helped sing in the chior. I love to sing. I messed up a couple times and the little girl next to me kept glancing at me, seemingly annoyed. But it was okay, because I was singing for God and Jesus and I know they don`t mind mistakes. I felt really religious last nite. Religious... but I still felt no magic. Maybe Christmas magic has gone out for me. -Sigh- I guess at some point it does for everyone. I`m not the little girl I was anymore. I heard my sisters get up this morning and creep past my room toward the living room, the christmas tree and Santa`s presents. I remember when I used to be the first one up, when sometimes I would sneak into the living room and sleep curled up under the tree, trying to catch Santa in his act. This morning I didn`t feel like getting up. I was tired... and caught up in a dream I was having. The dream was a bad one, but sometimes I just can`t help wanting to dream it all the way through. Dreams are so interesting. I woke up late, late for me anyway, but especially late for me on Christmas morning. The gifts under the tree made me sad, because I knew there were tons of people not as fortunate as my family. I thought of all those little orphaned kids in Africa... and that was what one of the bad dream I had last nite were about. I had bad dreams on Christmas eve and the early hours of Christmas. I went to sleep to complete darkness, and not the soft glow of Christmas lights that I usually hang in my room. Those lights were supposed to go up the week of Thanksgiving but I just forgot... until last nite that is. No, it doesn`t feel like there is Christmas magic for me at all this year. As I said before, this doesn`t mean I don`t feel blessed, greatful, happiness or love, because I do. I guess its just my childhood, drawing to an end.

Wow, its Christmas eve. This year I`m pretty happy and I wish it were so for everyone.... but I always wish that so. Christamas eve, Christmas, and it doesn`t feel like magic this year. I feel blessed, I feel greatful... I feel happiness and love but magic is conspicuously absent. Maybe it`d be different if yesterday had been better. I`m not sure. I thought this year would seem like magic... cause it did... well, right before Thanksgiving. n_n Yep. Hector and I listening to Christmas carols and being merry... all before Thanksgiving came around. I didn`t have time to go down to the riverwalk and see the lights this year. I didn`t have the time to bake gingerbread with my little sister, either. Or do any community service. I never even saw the salvation army... (You know, those people with the little red buckets ringing the bells,) and I usually give them all the savings I have. This year, I didn`t have any savings though... (Eddie`s online again!) I didn`t spend any time with anyone, family or friends doing holiday stuff... Hmm. I wish or so much this year, but mostly for forgiveness... happiness and understanding from those care about. Just... take care you guys. Merry Christmas.

I feel so so lost and alone. And now... angry.

Well today was... excellent. Maybe I have a chance for happiness yet. There`s hope, renewed again. Along with hope comes fear though, and its enevitable. My pessimistic nature always takes hold of me. Hmm, not so much pessimism as self-doubt. I`m happy, though frightened... and frightened of... the situation I guess. But happy! And... determined? Yes. Determined and proud.

-Blink blink- n.n

Strangers in the night, exchanging glances,

Wond’ring in the night, what were the chances, we’d be sharing love

Before the night was through...

Something in your eyes was so inviting, something in your smile was so exciting,

Something in my heart, told me I must have you...

Strangers in the night, two lonely people,

We were strangers in the night. Up to the moment, when we said our first hello...

Little did we know, love was just a glance away, A warm embracing dance away.

And ever since that night we’ve been together.

Lovers at first sight, in love forever.

It turned out so right, For strangers in the night.

Yeah uh.. whatever Frank... -_-

My emotions switch gears so quickly that it scares me. Heh. I`m happy again... just for your information, darling. n-n

I broke down last nite, its been awhile. Like a month as opposed to a week or two. This week was a happy week, though. I made a new friend. It was pretty great. He`s pretty great. I dunno. I didn`t feel alone this week. Last nite I did though. Too many sad songs... too many love songs. I just felt down. Before I knew it a was having a slight panic attack so I went offline and lay down for awhile. Lord of the Rings the Two Towers was on but that didn`t help at all. I get too excited when watching Lord of the Rings and by no means does that help a panic attack. So, I turned it off and got back online. Yeah. Um... mistake. I probably freaked a few people out. Anywho I got off again, feeling even more down... so I just went to bed with my CD player and Parachutes. I listened to that CD over and over and over again, crying and crying... for no reason. Well... just because sometimes I get down. Sometimes I feel lonley but... don`t we all? I fell asleep and woke up this morning feeling... so much better but still a little disappointed in myself. That`s where I stand right now.

u_u Arg...

I feel kinda saddened right now. I dunno why... o_O well... I kinda do. I`m not hearing the things I want to. Isn`t it terrible when you can`t get what you want? Yeah it is. Drives you insane doesn`t it? Yep. Insane.. and you wanna do horrible things... like die. O_o No... I don`t wanna die. Not right now. I just wanna sleep. So opposite from yesterday. I just.... thought I`d... I dunno. I thought too much. I found something today though. Something I shouldn`t have. Maybe that was it. False er.. hope? Uh.. what am I talking about? Hell if I know. Grr. -Kicks things- I`m just.. disappointed.

I`m so gosh darn excited I think I may explode. n_n Why you ask!? Hey! Do I need a reason?! Okay, maybe I do but...as much as I`m dying to reveal this information, it isn`t supposed to reach anybody else`s ears save Sarah, Monica or Carly. Sorry boys. Maybe next time. n_n Or.. maybe not. xP

Yesterday was a RED LETTER DAY! Why?

• School, wasn`t bad at all.
  
• I hung out with Aldo and Fred at lunch.
  
• I passed my music theory final with a 100!
  
• The day felt semi-Christmasy.
  
• Lord of the Rings drained me then filled me up with more emotion.
  
• Hanging out with Aldo, Fred, Monica and Tom was awesome.
  

Lord of the Rings the Return of the King, is the movie. I laughed, I cried, my heart grew heavy, I felt, I cringed, I loved. AWESOME. BEYOND AWESOME. My life is now complete. It is utterly amazing. Seriously. I mean... who needs anything else when you've got Lord of the Rings?! I sure don`t need anything else. Tonite was fun, even though my stomach was killing me and still is... and LOTR is incredible. -Contented sigh- I feel so appreciative of love and friendship. I want to love and love and love... and write.

This is stupid. -Sigh- Oh okay, nevermind.

Good day, everyone. LOTR tomorrow and... I think I`d better go work on my zine.

Interims suck. The end. n.n Computadoras!!!

ARRRRRG!!!! I need to see this movie and its eating me inside. 2 more days....... AHHHH! -Blink blink- Jeez!

Thank you super cool twist of fate... or um... janitor lady.

I`m pissed right now, for reasons that shall remain unspoken. I know what it is, though. I should be working on some ideas for my zine but I can`t cause I`m just so damn pissed. The rest of today was awesome and I thought the whole of the day in its entirety would be... until I scuttled off to my "salvation." And.. I wanna have an SSG mtg. Later.

Heh heh heh. Aldo and I will get your hair, Trunks. Oh we`ll get it good, don`t you worry about that. Watch you head, dear, for we`re coming with our shiny scissors and combs. Neither day or night promises your golden locks safety. Muahahaha! n_n

I have nothing to do here at home. I should be at Say Sí, at the student meeting about now. And then we`d have a super secret girl meeting. -Sigh- I feel like drawing or developing my screen play but, I kinda like it here at the computer... even though no one`s online. >.> There`s an orchestra concert tomorrow and it should be pretty awesome, the jazz band and orchestra are going to play selections togther so it should be sorta like a symphony, or something like that. Anyhow today was a good day. I actually didn`t mind school today, besides the fact that someone moved my table to put a huge Christmas tree in the place of it. Anyhow that turned out okay, I found Aldo, scared him and then he told me to just sit under the Christmas tree and eat my lunch... (It was that huge) but I ate in the sub instead, though I`m not allowed cause I`m only a freshman. u.u I hate being a freshman, but anyway, it was okay 'cause then I found Aldo again, and Tom, Joe, Orlando and Fred. Who, by the way, are all awesome. n.n Yup. I felt swingy all day, like I had a little spring in my step. Maybe it`s because I had Frank Sinatra`s "Let's Fall in Love" playing over and over in my head. -Shrugs- I still feel like dancing. And... I wanna see LOTR!!! I must decline to Aldo`s invitation of seeing it with him on Wednesday, which I very much regret. Now I`ve declined three of his invitations because of my damned parents. -_- But, I have next week free, says my father, so I can do things if I give my parents a fair amount of time to consider any activities I want to pursue. I figure I`ll take advantage of this, as much as I can... (If I happen to stumble upon anyone that would like to pursue activites with me.) Yeah, maybe I`ll go out dancing next week. -Whistle whistle- I have secrets to reveal... but I can`t. That`s what the super secret girl meetings are for. Damn! -Cries silvery tears- SOMEBODY come online and save me from talking to myself! Anyone?! u.u Oh! I didn`t write about that weird note on my arm. o_O I got to 7th period and took off my sweater and Monica goes... "Hey Sara! Did you know you had a note on your arm?!" And I just blinked at her... and then she turned my arm around and written in ink was.. "What are you doing?" Then in diffent ink..."Nothing." Then it had a little logo that said, "P.I.M.P.s" o_O! It must have happened during music theory. We sit on bleachers and 2 guys sit behind me. I was half asleep but I musta dozed off completely or something.. o_o WEIRDNESS.

Soy sola, otra vez, pero muy feliz porque encuentró un nuevo amigo muy bueno. n_n No me digo su nombre porque tú simplemente eres un entremetido. Mi español es muy mal pero es bien, no tengo que escribir en español todo el tiempo. Pero me encanta la lengua!!(Significado español y no la lengua de una vaca. n.n)

I`m having a lovely and quite boring evening... -Yawns- And the bad news is I have to get off of AIM soon, so I`ll most certainly die of boredom. Most certainly.

Golly gee wiz! That was so much fun. Yesterday, I went to the school dance. I went with David and when we got there, Aldo, Tom, Sam, Josh, Nick and some other awesome guys I hadn`t met until last nite were there. We all sat together at a table and ate barbeque until Aldo was itching to dance. Problem was, no one was on the dance floor. So I dunno who it was but someone got this plan to go down to dollar general and pick up some glow sticks so we could rave. So all of us were going to go but then the principal told us that if we went we couldn`t come back in. So I dunno, David felt he had to save the day or something so he busted out of the school with his friend and went to go find glow sticks, leaving me with Josh and Aldo. Right after David left the DJ busted out some Hip Hop crap. Aldo told me to, "Fuck it," and come dance with him. So I did. Man, that guy is awesome. He taught me how to dance to quite a few things... and so did Josh. -Grins- It was so fun. David came back like 10 minutes later, and turns out he has no rhythm at all. Not even for slow dancing. But he tried and I`ll give him that. Heh. He kept getting tired though and had to go sit down. I danced all nite though, with everyone. Aldo got all excited everytime a song he liked came on. "Ooh cumbias!!! this is how you do it Sara.." and he`d teach me and we`d dance and dance. He`d try to show David how too but he just couldn`t get it. Sometimes he did, and we`d dance... and then he`d lose it and be embarrased. He`d always do well until he started worrying about how he looked. Oh well. Some interesting trance music came on and we started doing ridiculous and hilarious dances, the most hilarious were treats of Aldo and Tom. David got tired after that one, and then it was a slow song. (Eddie`s on AIM! Que weird!) Aldo got excited again, "Ahhh! I love this song!" So we danced to it and he was telling me how he was hyped up on painkillers because ofsome strange apendige or something on his pinky toe. he said they were wearing off but he still was gonna dance and dance and dance. And he did. We all did, even David. We all danced for the rest of the nite and we were the last people on the dance floor when the dance ended. The night was still young though and we were all still high on life so we all piled in cars and went to Taco Cabana. We ate and laughed into the wee small hours of the morning. We were going to go out on the patio to dance some more when Josh decided that we should play I never. It only works with alcohol but we played anyway with our sodas lemonades and suicides. It got late and my parents called me asking where I was. Soon after that we all departed, and David took me home. It was an awesome nite. All those guys are awesome. Jeez! n_n

He`s a swell guy. I was thinking and... that phrase is exactly perfect.

I feel like I`m about to fly up into the air... that damn phone`s ringing. Yeah, I hate you too, phone!! -Bink blink-

I`m sitting here, thinking. Staring at the white of the post box... being lost... "Hey Jude" is playing.... Now, "Oh! Darling" I should be doing homework... yeah, I`m gonna do it. Might as well. I`ve been so behind in my work lately. All I feel like doing is writing. My passion flame for writing has been recindled. Who knows why but thats all I feel like doing nowadays. Damn it, where are those girls when you need them? yeah. You girls aren`t online that`s for sure.

Dancing`s not my thing... >.> Umm... -shrug-

My happiness lasted throught the rest of Monday... and then was renewed earlier today. However, I now have a small yet largely accumulating pit of neverousness in my stomach. (If that makes any sense.) Butterflies are still here... and I have my computer back! -Passionately hugs- Wow, today was a good day. I wasn`t so.. "tightly wound." Some guy even asked me if I was high... heh. My perkiness did have a few downfalls however, like my disability to be alert... to listen and to balance. Oh well, I am happy and that`s all that matters... -Grins- The dance should be interesting... if not fun... and I shall throughly try to enjoy myself and to most importantly of all, be myself. I`ve also found a "more convenient" route to my classes... and a few hangouts where I`d like to be. I sound stupid, so I`ll just stop.

God, that sucks. I hate these damn old imac keyboards. I just baleted everything I just wrote... and it was a long killer post too. -Brow furrows- Heh. Old keyboards!! They`re stupid is what they are. Anyhow! Back to the story of seeing Eddie Ryan on the street outta nowhere! Eddie Ryan! I saw you on the street!!! Yup. And after I saw him I felt this jolt of happiness, isn`t that lame?? Happiness is mine!! Heh, I am a lame-o. Anyway!! Today was odd. I had butterflies in my stomach all day and I was feeling really really anxious. Why, you ask?? Wouldn`t you like to know! Heh... wouldn`t I like to know... Carly`s here now so we should be having that super secret girl meeting anytime now, but don`t tell anyone!!

I was thinking about what Josh told me, and how he told me that he was going to the dance with the president orf the junior class. I didn`t even consider running for class president this year, because I don`t know any of the freshmen. Last year I ran for vice president, and I lost horribly.... 3 to 8 to 13 or something like that. I was so upset I remember, because both girls who were elected president and vice president were "popular", and their getting elected was only because of the damn popularity contest the social system runs on. I had all these great plans for the school... and I had a great speech... but I didn`t win. But, later on in the school year I ran for editor of the school newspaper. The same girls were running. I was considering dropping out of the election when my best friend Sam encourged me to stick on. The speech I delivered was killer, honestly bitter (which some people thought was humor) and eloquent. I wanted editor badly, and I think it showed through me that I had passion for writing and was going to make the newspaper substantial. I won this election. By a landslide... and those "popular girls" hated me for it. it was terrible because one of them became my assistant editor. She wouldn`t help me at all, and tried to overpower me and shit like that. She thoroughly annoyed me. I think she thinks that all life is a competition. We competed for Class President, she won. Editor of the Newspaper, I won. prom Queen, she didn`t win... I didn`t win... but I didn` run. I almost did though... until my Mom and Aunt made a crack about "Carrie." Yeesh, that probably woulda been the case, glad I didn`t run. BUT... WHEN IT ALL COMES DOWN TO IT, IT DOESN`T MATTER WHO WAS WHAT OR HOW THAT HAPPENED, IT WAS MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Anyhow, maybe parts of life are a competition... but very small parts. I think I heard her say that once, "Life is a competition and I have to win." If I had been who I am now I would have said, "Well, dear, If life is a competition... then I`m winning. Ya see, what do you have dear? What essential trophy have you won? Love? No... you haven`t? Hope, how `bout that? Oh... oh well that`s a shame. Lookie here, I have both... and I carry them, everyday, in my heart. HEART? You know... heart! You don`t know???"... Then I`d shake my head and walk away.
I was thinking about irony.... Would picking a seat ticket out of a jar and winding up sitting next to David, whom I was trying to aviod, be considered ironic? And why was I trying to avoid him? But, it was good that I got that seat, and not the one two seats down. Maybe it was devine intervention. -Shrug-

Yes, I`m back from Lord of the Dance. Yes, I liked it. Yes, I did sit next to good company; it ironically turned out to be David. No, I don`t have a date for the school dance. Yes, I`m still hopeful... in getting asked, and hopeful that Josh didn`t lie to me. Yes, I had fun none the less. No, I can`t get on AIM. Gotta do some homework.

Tomorrow I`m going on a feild trip to see Lord of the Dance. That should be interesting... if I don`t end up alone. I dunno, David should be there, or Gilbert and Fernando... or Jade. I`ll hang out with any of them if they`ll have me. I enjoy those people`s company. But if I`m a nuisance, and I see it, I`ll back off, simple as that. Sometimes I don`t mind being a loner. Sometimes. I feel anxious again. Nervous... -shudder- I`m not sure why but... it might have something to do with that guy Josh saying that David was saying something about... asking me to the dance... Boys make me nervous. Yeesh!

"You`re stupid, and nobody likes you.. and you don`t have any friends...." Words from my sister, u.u

-Recalls the events of the day- I can`t believe I never have anything... to talk about with anybody. It sucks. I miss laughing at school. I don`t get to laugh until seventh period. Heh. Monica and I laughed our asses off at Clyde`s hair. We were "like the mean girls." Really. Like thouse girls that think their better at everyone and laugh at other people`s misfortunes... but it was funny as hell. Sorry everyone..

Today was good. Fun and good. School was okay, they decorated the main hall with Christmas lights and I got to see a friend I hadn`t seen in a few weeks. I was lost and very alone... and then our eyes met amongst the twinkling lights of the main hall... how romantic. (I`m such a nerd.. I wasn`t lost or alone and there was nothing romantic about the meeting... just about the lights..) Oh... we tidied up Say Sí today. n_n -Tidy tidy- We also practiced some band stuff, then we played with a BIG flashlight... Yaaaay for good days! n.n