I feel really good today, and happy. n_n Horray! o_O I just saw the pepsi-itunes commercial. How stupid is that?! o_o Very. Ah, oscars, celebrities and wonderful film makers. n_n Lovely lovely. xP Gross. I dislike Catherine Zeta-Jones. She seems so evil like. A great actress, but... her personality seems bleh. Just like Nicole Kidman. She seems so very evil and such. Man it'd be awesome if that little girl from Whale Rider won an oscar. I loved that movie. It was so simple and beautiful. Like, In America. Jeez! That was one awesome movie. Can you imagine? Man, it must be so neat even to be nominated. Lord of the Rings is nominated for 11 oscars... and they just won their first. Woohoo! God, I love Return of the King. It might be weird to say I love it but I do... I dunno it was just such an incredible movie, so amazingly done.. Aww... Diane Keaton looks so cute. And Liv Tyler is so elegant and beautiful. Horray Finding Nemo! ..But I still need to see The Triplets of Belleville. Oh movies, movies, how I love thee...

Oooh... yeast is an anti-depressant...-Stocks up-

Man, I seriously don't know what`s wrong with me at all. I`m so upset. And I don't know what to say...

What is your name?:	Sara Lauren
Are you named after anyone?:	Lauren Bacall
What's your screename?:	girafflesara and sarasue2u... O_o
Would you name a child of yours after you?:	Probably not, Sara's too common.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:	Carly or...
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:	Hinojosa.... they pronounce it with the H. Sara.. they spell it with an h.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:	Hmmm... no.
Basics
Your gender::	Female, kid!
Straight/Gay/Bi::	Straight.. most of the time.
Single?:	Nuh uh.
If not, do you want to be?:	No.
Birthdate::	1/13/89
Your age::	15
Age you act::	I dunno.
Age you wish you were::	16
Your height::	5'1''
Eye color::	Dark brown...
Happy with it?:	No.
Hair color::	Dark brown...
Happy with it?:	No...
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::	Right..
Your living arrangement::	Parents.
Your family::	2 sisters, Mom, Dad...
Have any pets?:	4 chickens, 2 cats, a dog, 2 finches, 1 cocatiel.
Whats your job?:	Don't have one.
Piercings?:	Ears only.
Tattoos?:	Nope.
Obsessions?:	Not really.
Addictions?:	Past additctions...
Do you speak another language?:	A little spanish...
Have a favorite quote?:	Too many.
Do you have a webpage?:	A blog.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:	At times.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:	At times.
Do you have any secrets?:	At times....
Do you hate yourself?:	At times...
Do you like your handwriting?:	Er... at times?!
Do you have any bad habits?:	Hmm. Probably some I`m not aware of.
What is the compliment you get from most people?:	About my intelligence...
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:	I can't say I know.
What's your biggest fear?:	Losing people.
Can you sing?:	Not well.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:	Mmhm.
Are you a loner?:	I have been.
What are your #1 priorities in life?:	I guess, being happy, and making others happy.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:	Good question... probably if I had the same intrests.
Are you a daredevil?:	At times.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:	Lots of things.
Are you passive or agressive?:	Depends on my mood.
Do you have a journal?:	Yes.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:	Strength, probably logic, weakness, emotion.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:	Be a little more outgoing.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:	No.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:	I haven't lived enoguh to answer that.
Do you think life has been good so far?:	Yes...
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:	There are so many diffent kids of people out there, and you have to learn to be who you really are, not what they want you to be.
What do you like the most about your body?:	Well.. I do like my eyes.
And least?:	My hair.
Do you think you are good looking?:	Not good looking, but interesting. Different I guess.
Are you confident?:	No.
What is the fictional character you are most like?:	Probably Emily Starr. Gotta love lose L.M Montgomery fairy tale-like books.
Are you perceived wrongly?:	At times, yes.
Do You...
Smoke?:	Nope.
Do drugs?:	Nuh uh.
Read the newspaper?:	No..
Pray?:	Sometimes... u_u
Go to church?:	Not for awhile...
Talk to strangers who IM you?:	That hasn't ever happened.
Sleep with stuffed animals?:	Yes... n_n Mr. Bear is my oldest friend.
Take walks in the rain?:	Yep.
Talk to people even though you hate them?:	Yup yup.
Drive?:	Nope.
Like to drive fast?:	Heh.. yeah.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:	No. >_<
Hurt yourself?:	Not intentionally.
Been out of the country?:	Mexico...
Eaten something that made other people sick?:	Nope.
Been in love?:	n_n ...Yes.
Done drugs?:	No.
Gone skinny dipping?:	Nope...
Had a medical emergency?:	Naw.
Had surgery?:	No.
Ran away from home?:	Nuh uh.
Played strip poker?:	Pfft. No.
Gotten beaten up?:	No...
Beaten someone up?:	No...
Been picked on?:	Yes.
Been on stage?:	Of course.
Slept outdoors?:	Yessir.
Thought about suicide?:	Uh huh.
Pulled an all nighter?:	Yup.
If yes, what is your record?:	Heck if I know.
Gone one day without food?:	Yeah.
Talked on the phone all night?:	No.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:	o_O Er.. no.
Slept all day?:	Yes.
Killed someone?:	Of course.
Made out with a stranger?:	No...
Had sex with a stranger?:	Nope.
Thought you're going crazy?:	All the time.
Kissed the same sex?:	Not yet...
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:	Nope.
Been betrayed?:	Yes.
Had a dream that came true?:	Yeah.
Broken the law?:	Hmmm.... probably.
Met a famous person?:	No... :\
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:	Insects.
On purpose?:	Yes, insects.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:	Heh... yup. n_n
Stolen anything?:	Yeah.
Been on radio/tv?:	Mmhm.
Been in a mosh-pit?:	No...
Had a nervous breakdown?:	Yes.
Bungee jumped?:	No.
Had a dream that kept coming back?:	Yes.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:	Yes.
Miracles?:	Yes.
Astrology?:	Not really.
Magic?:	Yes.
God?:	Yes.
Satan?:	Yes.
Santa?:	Aww.. Santa... I love you! u_U Wish I could believe.
Ghosts?:	Yes.
Luck?:	Mmhm.
Love at first sight?:	Yes.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:	Mmhm.
Witches?:	Yes, I am one, kid!
Easter bunny?:	u_U Refer to Santa.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:	Yes I do.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:	Yup yup!
Do you wish on stars?:	Yes...
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:	Hmm.. sometimes.
Do you think God has a gender?:	Hmm.. no, but generally.. I tend to think of him as male... which is odd.
Do you believe in organized religion?:	I dunno what you mean.
Where do you think we go when we die?:	Either to heaven or limbo.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:	Yes... quite a few.
Who is your best friend?:	I dunno that I have a best best friend.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:	Sarah I think.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:	Not to dwell on the bad.
Your favourite inside joke?:	Cool like stupid!
Thing you're picked on most about?:	My height. Damn you tall kids!! -Shakes fist-
Who's your longest known friend?:	Sarah.
Newest?:	Tabitha.
Shyest?:	Laura.
Funniest?:	Monica.
Sweetest?:	Probably all my brothers.
Closest?:	Sarah, Aldo.. Hector.
Weirdest?:	Everyone.
Smartest?:	Undecided.
Ditziest?:	Huh?
Friends you miss being close to the most?:	Samantha... Eddie... u_U
Last person you talked to online?:	Aldo.
Who do you talk to most online?:	Aldo and Hector.
Who are you on the phone with most?:	Pfft uh... Monica and Sarah probably, and that`s only about once a month.
Who do you trust most?:	Sarah and Monica.
Who listens to your problems?:	Hector, Fred, Aldo, Sarah, Monica, Fish
Who do you fight most with?:	Monica and Aldo.
Who's the nicest?:	Fish and Sarah.
Who's the most outgoing?:	Monica.
Who's the best singer?:	Hmm... dunno.
Who's on your shit-list?:	Pfft, too long.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:	No.
Who's your second family?:	My friends...
Do you always feel understood?:	Not always but, sometimes.
Who's the loudest friend?:	Monica.
Do you trust others easily?:	No.
Who's house were you last at?:	Er... Sarahs or Monica`s. Too long ago, can't remember.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::	Aldo.
Do your friends know you?:	Most of me.
Friend that lives farthest away::	Um... Samantha.
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:	No.
What do you find romantic?:	Old fashioned typed romance stuff...
Turn-on?:	Too long to list... I already wanna get this over with.
Turn-off?:	Drugs...
First kiss?:	I dunno it was some kid when I was like 4...
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:	Weird.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:	Yes.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:	Yes.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:	Yes, romance isn't about physicality.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:	I dunno.
What is best about the opposite sex?:	Heh. Best?! Ha!
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:	Worst?! Pfft!
What's the last present someone gave you?:	A birthday cake made our of roses and daisies.
Are you in love?:	Yes.
Do you consider your significant other hot?:	I dunno.. -asks- No.. I think he's quite comfortable.
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:	Huh?
You wanted to kill?:	No one, really.
That you laughed at?:	Aldo.
That laughed at you?:	Aldo.
That turned you on?:	Pfft. Need I mention it again?
You went shopping with?:	My mother. I really do love shopping with her though.
That broke your heart?:	I`d rather not say...
To disappoint you?:	The MAS crew.
To ask you out?:	Aldo.
To make you cry?:	Um... it was situational... but the MAS crew.
To brighten up your day?:	Aldo.
That you thought about?:	Look up.
You saw a movie with?:	Mi mamá.
You talked to on the phone?:	Harris.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:	Aldo, Sarah.
You saw?:	Aldo, Thom, Nick, Orlando.
You lost?:	No one.
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:	Not right now...
Will it be with your significant other?:	No...
Or some random person?:	Heh. Random.
What are you wearing right now?:	Over sized PJ`s.
Body part you're touching right now::	my fingers are touching...
What are you worried about right now?:	The future MAS life.
What book are you reading?:	Fish's journal.
What's on your mousepad?:	I have a lazer mouse, no mouse pad needed.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::	Sad, disappointed, a little angry, hopeful, and biased.
Are you bored?:	Yeah, why do you tink I took his?
Are you tired?:	Yes.
Are you talking to anyone online?:	How many times have you aked this?
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:	No.
Are you lonely or content?:	Both.
Are you listening to music?:	Nope.

Really Long Survey (over 200) brought to you by BZOINK!

What a horrible day. And to think, I was so upset about stupid little things. A stupid substitute, Aldo not acting silly with me, everyone going to coastal... and then... Verdi's fired. Media Arts will never be the same... and then, I get home. My uncle... is in the emergency room. Open heart surgeory. And gramma's sick. Not seriosuly but, still. Haven`t seen her in three years. My small little world is falling apart, and now... awkward silences. Everyone's quiet. There's time to think, but, I don't wanna think. I don't wanna have anything to do with this world. Say Si, my Say Si, one main thing keeping me alive... Everyone has lost their minds. Everyone is thinking irrationally. Fuck this shit, fuck everyone... and everything. ;_;

I wanna like, randomly yell at something.... attack someone until I`m out of breath or... dead or... they're dead. And yet I don't. I wanna climb into my bed, or into the girl room, with all the lights off... and cry... and need somebody. Sombody that probably won't come... so i`ll cry more and desprately... until I have no tears left. I feel abandoned, in more ways than one, and I know we're all feeling abandoned right now. But its just been let down ontop of let down here for me... nothing and no one seems to help.

I feel so invisible, nobody cares, I feel so invisible... I`m screaming at you but nobody hears... invisible words cannot be heard. I feel so invisible.....

So I`m a horrible witch trapped inside an ugly little girl`s body. And yeah... I wanna end it all, stop the pain I inflict but I`m too courageous for that. And man... I`m sorry.

PPft. Okay so I`m pissed. Sue me you bastards.

Man, I so want to wear a wedding dress randomly.

Bleh bleh bleh... this is where my creative process lacks stuff and stuff. I can never decide what to do for anything because I have 5 million ideas, and in the end I end up choosing the crappiest one because its most efficient. Today I witnessed a random act of kindness, projected towards me! Yeah so it was really neat. n_n Most people will see what happened as something inconsequentail but man it meant a lot to me. So, off I go to randomly draw game ideas.

I woke up this morning, after a good night of rest. My stomach was feeling good after those two 12 AM spews. But when I woke up, I felt extremely nausiated. My mom came into my room and looked down at me. "You look well, you're going to school." I looked up at her... and felt dizziness. I told her I felt sick, and queazy.. but she didn`t believe me. I lay in bed untillike 10 minutes before we had to go, and only then did I get up because she was yelling at me. I hastily dressed, and just tied my hair back, forgetting to put my contacts on. I was angry because they made me go to school when I didn't feel well, and I cried tears of anger. the ones that build up in your eyes and you can choose to let them out or not. But, I got to school, got an admit, then made my way to our stairwell. Thom and Moni and David were there, talking and laughing and then Moni and I talked and she gave me a letter. n_n But she had been sent to ISS yesterday for too many tardies. u_U So anyhow, the bell rings and I make my way to the portables, feeling nausiated again... I play my cello and try and ignore Albert. Then 1st is over, and I cross the feild... Just then a sharp pain jolts in my stomach and I run to a nearby trashcan and explode into it. So gross. >_< And so I go to the girl's bathroom where I clean up and explode again. SO I go to second for a pass to the nurse. The nurse is really nice, lets me call my mom right away... then my mom comes and picks me up. It take awhile for us to get out of the school though, cause my mom knows anyone and everyone. She talks to Guajardo for a little while... and then to some teacher... So we leave. I told her so. I told her I wasn't up to school. But alas, no one listens to me.... xP

I`m just like everyone else in the world. Nothing about my existence is unique, and even if there were somthing, I wouldn`t honor it. I always feel so frustrated. What if I took on a different persona, who did things that I wouldn`t noramlly do, or said things loud and clear. "So I look in your direction but you pay me no attention, do you? And I know you don't listen to me 'cause you say you see straight through me...." Would I be frustrated then? If I voiced every thought, every single breath a mine a truth, an opinion, a hope. Would it matter? Would they care.. would you care? Would really anyone care about my input? Somehow I know that only select few would care, and yet again they wouldn`t care all the time. Its because I don't really care. People reflect their actions toward you on your actions toward them. And so then... I`m screwed. I`m not a people person, I don't know exactly how to talk to people, or comfort them or understand... If I feel something strong enough... then sometimes everything I feel just comes pouring out of my mouth, but other times, everything is contained within me. And so now I realize, that I`ve probably just expressed shallow human emotion, thus proving... I am no diffrent than anyone on this earth.

I woke up and threw up this morning. Aldo's much worse... poor guy. But yeah I didn't do anything today at all... which I should have... But I did work on this blog a little. Down side is, I`m not very fond of it... and I didn't get my link buttons to work. I think I have to individually make them... But eh, I don't wanna do that. I like 'em all together. So they just stand as an image strip... Well... I guess I`ll post more later.

So it's V-Day. The lovely comercial holiday chocolate and card companies came up with. Man... they postponed the dance yesterday.. >_< I don`t feel like doing much today, and moreover my mother said I couldn`t... -Sigh- Long story. But I figure hey, a buncha chick flicks should be playing today. So I`ll mindlessly watch those... and I still have to watch Coldplay Live 2003 that Diane lent me. I dunno if I wanna go to Say Si. I kinda don`t cause its so friggen cold outside and its so warm and comfortable here. -Sigh- Maybe I`ll condure up a new look for myself. I`m still deciding whether to chop all my hair off or not. Its getting on my nerves. I can`t do anything with it at all... and when I wear it down its a mess. I just want smething functional, that doesn`t require thought. Just run a comb through it and go... Man... a good friend of mine likes me. >_< Its so weird. Well he`s been having relationship problems (with guys) so I`m probably just a rebound beacause I`m a girl... and I`m there for him. Yeesh.-Shakes fist- Man... >_< La la la... anywho.. I leave you now! Goodbye reader!

Today I realized that I have the strange tendancy to exaggerate things... hey! And also sitting here, I realized MArk has black hair. I was wondering what it was earlier when I came in... and that was it. So anyway... I don`t know what to think of anything anymore. Sometimes I don`t care about anything or anyone at all and its weird. And then sometimes I care so much it hurts. But this caring and uncaring moods always seem to interchange at the worst times. Stupid I know but what can I say? I`m a lost soul. I also feel this profound guilt. I`ve been leaving my journal at home cause its heavy... so I`ve been writing on sheets of paper. I took one out and wrote everything I was thinking ...uncensored... pure me. And it was weird. -Sigh- I am willing to put happiness at stake for what seems right. I don`t know if I really could though. Its just a creepy thought. And... it'd be horrible. Gah. >_< My head wasn`t screwed on straight when I wrote it. It proves nothing...

I feel devistated. Thinking will be the end of me. I feel like reading something or seeing or hearing something amazingly sad so I can just cry and get it all out because... its all bottled up and won`t come... And I`m so goddamn sick of not being able to download anything for stupid MAc OS X 10.2.8! >_< -Kicks the hell outta 10.2.8- While the hell must I vent in a friggen blog? Why do I have to be me? Why do I deserve to be here? I don`t. I sin everyday and contribute more and more to the all the shit in this world. I don`t know where the heck i`ll be tomorrow or what`ll happen and... I`m not even sure of what I feel or any emotions I have or why I have them or why mostly all the time deep down I`m unhappy. I don`t know who I am or... why I matter or even if I do matter. I don`t know anything and I don`t care. I`m just angry. So angry at myself and I don`t understand anything. Once again... why must I vent in this friggen blog?!

Man I`m just sick of everything right now. Sick of how everything is, how everyone is.. but mostly how I am. I`m tired of myself, of being me... Or of NOT being me rather... most of the time. -Sigh- I`m sick of it all.

So today started off pretty bad. I mean I woke up at five o'clock in the morning crying and screaming my head off. I`m really surprized no one heard me. But yeah. But I was half asleep I think and hysterical... and yelling something about Aldo... heck I dunno. And then I was really scared and.... yep. O_o Paranoia. So I got to school today, and the boys were being boys... again. -Shrug- Well I go to first, and there are those stupid girls again, in front of the mirror putting on endless layers of makeup, with their "unda-wears" showing. Literally. Gross. So I try and make my way past them to the storage room to get my cello. And like the leader of them is all in my way... so I say, "Excuse me..." y'know in my little Sara-ish way and the girl doesn`t hear me cause she obviously too into checking herself out... so I say it louder and then she hears. She`s like... "My god!" and moves hastily out of the way. Freak. So later... I`m playing and I over hear Mr. Rominger ask those girls if they can please get their instruments out `cause oblviously... this IS orchestra class. They ignore him... which is so totally wrong cause Mr. Rominger is awesomely nice. I`m pretty fed up... and then outta the blue... Kris stands up and starts yelling at those girls! ...From across the room he`s cussing them out and crap... and its so totally neat. I was like... o_O! and then... O_O! and then... n_n! (Because I`m evil and what he said was so true.) Anywho after all that.. those girls still won't pick up a freaking violin! So`s.. I`m getting mad too... and I walk over there... and grab O`Bryan on the way and tell him to back me up. So he goes.. "Yeah yeah but... what are you gonna do?!" And so I tell him I`m gonna tell those girls off. And he tells me I had better not, cause I`d get my ass kicked and there was no way he was gonna protect me... I was in this on my own. So I was thinking about it and I thought it really wasn`t worth getting in a fight for... so I just walked away... U_u But I shoulda told `em! Anyhow.. second came around and I felt compelled to write to Monica. So`s I did... through 2nd 3rd and 4th whenever I could get a word in. Then fifth was okay... and 6th was okay... Ruby and I talked about food the whole period. Then I walked into 7th... sat down and noticed to the left of me... a big mess of bleach blonde and strawberry colour. And I go.. O_o and stare at that weird girl Amanda`s head. And I look over at Monica and go... O_O and she goes O_O right back. Classic. We always are thinking the same mean thing about somebody. Heh. So then... I go hey Monica! I wrote you a letter! And she tells me she's just been finishing a letter she wrote me! Hoorah! So I give her mine and then Albert starts throwing scripts everywhere and it gets crazy! And then he starts telling Monica lies about how I`m horrible... >_< Anywho... Monica gives me the letter she wrote me and there's this awesome drawing of Amanda and her hair and ha! Its hilarious! Then Monica takes the letter back... and I look at Lily.. and notice her face is the same shade as Amanda`s head.. and then I have a laugh attack when Monica gives me the letter again and there`s a doodle of Lily's horribly red face... Heh. n_n So then 7th is over... and we go into the hallway and look at the call board and dis everyone who we know shouldn`t have been cast for Le Mis. Then Sheldon is behind us and goes.. "Man my audition sucked... out of us you should be the extra, Sara..." Then he walks away and Monica and I talk about how Mr. Rehm hates us... and how Sheldon smells. So I tell Monica.... "Wouldn`t it be funny if we put an arrow to his name and the words... 'Smelly Kid'" And she laughs and thinks it'd be fun so takes a pen out and does so, drawing some poop under the name too. Then we leave and I attack Aldo, tripping a billion times in the process, and then its off for Say Si. There's a new girl, Brianna. And I tell her very happy like.. "Welcome to the wonderful world of media arts!" and she gives me a mean look... u_U And then the rest of the time she gives me the freako look. You know the one. Like... "Hey, you're a freak!" Well anyhow we invite her to the girl meeting... and her and Monica bond, which I was looking forward to doing actaully. But I didn`t mind cause all the girls were bonding and it was nice. So now... I`m home. My dad made my favorite for dinner. So its all goo. Heh. n_n Well.. that's it for now....

Here's my day today. I wake up, go online and read peoples blogs. I get offline, go toast 2 jumbo bagels and then take them and a packet of cream cheese to my room. It about 11:00. I go back online, and talk to Hector for awhile, and then I talk to Sarah, and I finish my bagels and half the packet of cream cheese and go to make myself some tea. I come back online and Aldo's on... so`s I talk to him for awhile and feel like watching Serendipity. Then my Dad comes in and says he made me some breakfast so I go and get lots of bacon and hashbrows and then eat em up.. Mmm.. and then Aldo has to go... so he does so. And then I sing Alice in Wonderland songs to Hector over instant messenger and talk to Sarah about predicaments. So then I get bored cause both Hector and Sarah leave.. so I grab my cello and fiddle around... or.. cello around rather... and I still feel like watching that movie.... So I watch the TV guide channel for hours while cello-ing around... cause I do not have the movie... ;_; And then... I see some crazy Johnny Depp special is gonna start at 3:00 so I tell my Mom to be curtious... and she asks me to tape it for her cause she's going somewhere.. so I say I will.. then I go to the family room to go get the tape ready... and I turn it to showtime and see that its the last 5 minutes of Serendipity.. >_< So my face is like that... and then I start talling my Dad how frustrated I am cause I really wanted to see it. So he tells me that I can check if it`ll be on anywhere later.. and it is! So then I'm like this... n_n! But then I go... >_< 'cause its on at 4:00 and I'll miss the first 30 minutes, which are the best, becuase I have to tape those things for my mom... GAH! Which I shouldn`t even do because she`s driving me insane! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel alone... ;_; So off I go to sleep... and stuff.

Jeez louise I`m so scared right now. Really freaked out... really really freaked out. Man... I knew something wasn`t right. I knew it all along. Who said it guys? Who? It was me... I knew SOMETHING wasn`t quite right. They weren`t quite mature enough. And Abby. I`m so afraid for Abby most of all. And I`m watching The Lion King right now and they totally botched this version with new songs that are crap.

-Sigh- I don`t feel like having to face the world today... and so I`ll just stay shut up in here... why am I the way that I am?! >_<

So... I`m back. -Sigh- Scads of things went wrong at that stupid thing. It was very traumatizing and I`m feeling like such a faliure right now... but the good thing is that I have been enlightened to practice more. And so... I`m going to make Olivia and Abby be on the computer more so that I`m not tempted... No Eddie... trauma... faliure... -sigh- I`m really stressed. i wasn`t stressed before... because I was doing okay. But sadly, I had to play with an accompaniment, like 3 times faster than I had originally played the song. I did not know that this accompaniment was manditory until 10 minutes before I went on. Then my accompaniment was lost... so they pulled some random student pianist to accompany me... who TRIED. And thats all I can say because he did try and it was good for him just sightreading. -Sigh- I just... grr... I`m very upset at myself. I`m so... lost to the world of amounting to anything. 2 failed attempts this week at thing I love to do... -sigh- my acting isn`t good enough and my playing isn`t developed yet... and so I`m just.. lost... Well... I`m going to re-think these passions of mine. Perhaps if I try hard enough I can develop them into talents in a few years....

So... I`m off to horribly screw up at the UIL solo competition. I was praticing this morning and can sorta kinda get through Allegro Moderato. Why did Bach have to be such an awesome composer?! 5th position for cello, Bach?! 5TH POSITION?! Man... I just hope I get through the song... and make it solid at least. I`m not nervous at all because I don`t care if I win a damn medal or crap for crap. Stupid Strong Bad. Well, I just have to go so I pass.. and so i don`t let Mr. Rominger down. A major plus would be seeing Eddie hopefully. Monica saw her old best friend Edward yesterday and she asked me when the last time I saw my best friend Edward was. Heh. So hopefully that last time is today... and hopefully I don`t start to get nervous at the competition... cause then I`ll really have no skills at all.

Horrah! I made it home and stuff.. with 15 minutes to spare! Anywho... First Friday was fun... 'ceptin we losted Hector 'cause we were being stupid. But... Monica reminded me about the valentine`s day oldies dance! I had forgotten that I had saw that sign at The Guadelupe Cultural Arts center that day. Should be fun... two dances in one weekend?! Hey... we should all go guys!

Eh.. so the world remains rose hued. I auditioned for the play today.... sorta choked... u_U but uh well... what can ya do? Heh. In other news... first friday is tomorrow... should be fun...

-Skips around in circles- Nice day... heh. Well... yeah!

"Good morning my child, stay with me a while.
You not got any place to be, won't you sit a spell with me?
You've got diamonds for eyes, it's time for you to rise,
And evaporate in the sun, sometimes it can weigh a ton.
Keep all your crows away, hold skinny wolves at bay.
In silver piles of smiles, may all your days be gold my child.

A necklace of leaves, spirits in the trees.
And drown all the clocks 'til there's none.
Little ambient in the sun.

Keep all your crows away, hold skinny wolves at bay.
In silver piles of smiles, may all your days be gold my child.
Good morning my child ,stay with me a while.
And evaporate in the sun, sometimes it can weigh a ton."
- Sparklehorse, Gold Days